RR.NET Forums

[juachoerin]

What actress, one of the greatest legends in cinema history, has appeared in movies--

(1) as a dancer in a bar entertaining soldiers;
(2) as a pioneer woman captured by the Indians;
(3) as a missionary captured by cannibals in Africa;
(4) as a woman held prisoner and forced to perform in a nightclub;
(5) as a prize–fighter's girlfriend kidnapped by a gang trying to rig the fight;
(6) as a high-class prostitute hired to corrupt a senator; and
(7) as Marlene Dietrich in a spoof of the movie industry.

[juachoerin]

So, K.K.K. (knobody knows knothing) about it?
OK, here's some more information:

The 7 films in that series weren't of any importance, except in that they launched the career of that actress. They were 10–minute "gag films" satirizing various aspects of society such as crime, prostitution, gambling, and the mob. She played the lead role in all of them, and she was obviously being presented as a strong sex symbol in every case. Most of them involved sexy movements and costumes showing her entire legs, like hot pants. She kissed male actors in all the films, and in 4 cases married them. In the one where she played a prostitute, she was obviously imitating Mae West.

And she played all these roles well. The series was short-lived, but by then the director had seen her talent, and he got her more jobs, so her career soon took off.

Other actors who appeared in the series included Sidney Kibrick, Georgie Billings, Marilyn Granas, Philip Hurlic, Lawrence Harris, Arthur J. Maskery, and Gloria Ann Mack.

[Gopher]

This is so easy. The answer, of course, is....

Mother Theresa! Hahaaaaa!

Arright, what did I win?

[juachoerin]

Wrong! Mother Theresa never appeared in hot pants--just nude. Hahahaaa!

So you win 100 pounds of giraffe dung. Do you want it shipped overnight for $22.00 extra?

[Gopher]

....Nah, I'll pass.

[Ginger]

Um, moving to the games section. Duhhh. :]

[juachoerin]

OK, to give the rest of the background information:

It was an accepted and recognized fact, in the traditional theater industry of years past, that the best way to teach acting to children--and to measure their talent--was by giving them adult roles. Back in the 19th century, whole plays were often performed by all-child casts, and adult theatergoers loved to see them. They were respected as actors and rated by critics, the same as adult actors, based on their portrayal of adult characters.

But as the 20th century wore on, that noble tradition was slowly dying; and in the movies, most unfortunately, it was never taken seriously. In the series of short comedies that I'm now discussing, all the actors were kids in the 3-to-5 age range, playing adults, and for them it was a lot of fun. But they were uncredited and underpaid, so it was rightly seen as exploitation, and they stopped after making 7 films.

A few of those kids (Kibrick, Hurlic and Billings) went on to other film roles afterwards, but most of them couldn't really act at all; they had been chosen out of dancing schools. The girl who played all the above-mentioned roles in the series was only 4 at the time; she was already a good tap-dancer, but that was her first acting job--and she still has fond memories of it. But the crime-and-violence subject matter, and the sexy image, wasn't involved to any great extent in the rest of her career. She didn't need it.

[juachoerin]

OK......I guess it's time to tell you. HERE SHE IS, all of 4 years old, as high-class prostitute Polly Tix, seducing the senator played by a little boy. The image quality is bad, but it's easy to recognize her. The films were called the "Baby Burlesks" and were made in 1932 by a studio called "Educational Pictures." (Yeah, right......they were made for schools, I suppose!)

[juachoerin]

One Baby Burlesk could be a candidate for the all-time most outrageous film:

Four-year-old Shirley is hiking through the African jungle, followed by about 8 or 10 black boys of her age wearing diapers. They are carrying her packages, with signs saying that she's a missionary on a cannibal-taming expedition. She wears a cowboy suit with boots and gloves, a gun in a holster, and hot pants with giant safety pins. Her name is shown on the packages as "Madame Cradle Bait."

They are attacked by another group of black boys with grass skirts and painted faces. The package-bearers flee, but when they tell Shirley to run she says "No, I must civilize these poor cannibals." They haul her off to their camp and put her, still fully dressed, in a huge cooking pot. She keeps yelling "Help!" in a bored way, looking as if she doesn't really want to yell because it's too much trouble; and once, between yells, she turns suddenly to the camera with a big grin. (Was she supposed to? I think so!)

In the jungle, a tiny tot wearing an animal skin (the only white character besides Shirley) hears her cries and calls his favorite elephant (a real one) to give him a ride. With jungle calls like Tarzan, he heads to the rescue.

The cannibals are now waiting for the meal, each with a paper plate. One calls his girlfriend on a telephone-plant growing nearby and invites her to join him. "Be riiiightt over," she says. "If there's any-thang ah looove, it's stewed missionary!" In the cooking-pot, Shirley is consulting a book on "what to do in case of sunburn".

Arriving at the camp, baby-Tarzan gets off the elephant and just stands with his arms folded looking angry. The cannibals see him and flee in terror. Shirley turns away, hurriedly puts on makeup, then turns around and looks surprised to see him. When she climbs out of the pot, she's completely dry (so there was never any water in it) and she's still wearing the gun, which she never used.

In the final scene all the black boys, including the former cannibals, are living peacefully together in a town of primitive huts made of branches, with signs like hotel, drugstore, loans, cafe, and gas station. We see advertisements for Lipton Tea, Ex-Lax, and the famous Camel Cigarettes poster. Missionary Cradle Bait and her Tarzan are married and living in a tree house overlooking the town. He cleans the house and takes care of their new baby while she sits around and yells at him.

OK, so maybe it isn't the all-time most outrageous film. I like it anyway. With that under her belt, plus playing a kidnapping victim and a prostitute and everything else when she was 4, Shirley Temple probably knew half of what there is to know by the time she was 5. Every kid should be that lucky. Maybe that's why she quit acting early and spent the rest of her life doing things less glamorous but more useful. And maybe that's why she recently called the Baby Burlesks the best thing she ever did.